The Baseball Desert

Monday, August 30, 2004

Job opportunity?

Having had very little vacation time this year and with a busy period looming, it's hard to drag my feet into work right now, so I'm considering a change of direction. I thought it might be nice to try to combine this fresh orientation with my new-found passion for the Red Sox, so I've decided to apply for the position of Red Sox third-base coach.

Dale Sveum's shortcomings as a third-base coach have been well documented by Red Sox Nation, and even if Sveum is not a regular reader of baseball blogs, you're not going to tell me he hasn't heard the boos that have greeted some of his rasher decisions to send runners home. And yet, despite that, Sveum continues to astonish and amaze - last night, it was David Ortiz's turn to undertake the kamaikaze mission of going from third to home with absolutely no chance of being safe. Ortiz is a great hitter, but on the basepaths he makes even me look like Speedy Gonzalez, so I'm still trying to work out why Sveum sent him home in the middle of the Red Sox's fifth-inning rally when even the fastest of runners would have had trouble getting to the plate in time. What makes things worse is that Ortiz, in making a truly valiant attempt to avoid the tag by Brandon Inge, fell hard on his right shoulder and could have seriously injured himself. After his slide (actually, it was more of a collapse) he spent an inning or so flexing his shoulder and I was worried that he had done some serious damage, but it would appear that he's OK (as are the Red Sox, who swept Detroit and gained a precious game on the Yankees).

I've always tried to match my potential job applications with my many and varied talents, but the job of third-base coach for the Red Sox doesn't seem to require any talent at all - it appears to consist mainly of waving your arms about wildly, making ill-advised baserunning calls and patting Manny Ramirez on the rear as he finishes his home-run trot, so I think I'm the man for the job. I'm going to update my CV right away - does anyone have Theo Epstein's e-mail address??