The Baseball Desert

Friday, April 14, 2006

Letter to the Commissioner

Dear Mr Selig,

Given the unqualified success of so many of your innovations in the game of baseball over the past decade (interleague play, the World Baseball Classic), I'd like to suggest one that I'm sure will be a surefire hit not only in New England but all across Red Sox Nation.

The proposal I have in mind is that the Boston Red Sox begin each of their games in the third inning. You have made it your business over the years to try to speed up games, and this would be a perfect way to achieve that aim. Since it would mean the Red Sox only playing seven innings, it would also limit the playing time of Julian Tavarez, thus reducing potential disciplinary problems as well.

Many thanks for your time and consideration.
Yours sincerely,
A fan of the game.

P.S. That Ted Lilly guy who pitches for Toronto looks real shifty to me - I'm pretty sure he's hiding something out there on the mound when he throws that curveball of his. I think you should suspend him for the rest of the season, pending an inquiry into his strange behaviour. If you think that's too harsh, then I'm willing to accept a suspension for games against Boston only.