To whom it may concern:

Dear Practical Joker,

It may have seemed funny at the time, whisking away our rag-tag bunch of dodgy relievers and stop-gap starters and replacing them with a set of lookalikes, but now we have a problem, bcause we really don't want the other guys back. We're actually starting to like this whole shutout performance thing, so we'd like to ask you to take good care of Julian and Kason and whoever else you might have stashed away. In return, we promise to look after the clones - we'll feed / oil / water them as appropriate and make sure that they're returned in pristine condition once the season is over.

Give the guys our very best wishes and tell them we're thinking of them. Thanks a lot.

Red Sox Nation