Opening Day, SG style

I'm pretty pumped about Opening Day at Fenway, but unfortunately have no time to put my thoughts to paper, or rather, to keyboard.

What I can do, though, is give you a glimpse into the amazing place that is Red's brain, for Opening Day à la Surviving Grady.

During the seventh inning stretch, Neil Diamond sprints from the bullpen to sing "Sweet Caroline," but is intercepted and dropkicked by Mike Timlin, allowing Tom Waits to bust with "The Heart of Saturday Night" with, inexplicably, Kevin Millar on bass.

Will somebody please put this man in charge of the festivities, NOW?